Latest research reveals that 58% of singles are fed up with fake presentation and dishonesty in profiles.

58%! That’s a big number right?  Nearly 60% of those asked stated that one of their biggest frustrations with modern dating is fake profiles, filtered photos, old photos and pretending to be someone they are not.

For those who don’t know my story I spent 17 years (on and off) on the online dating apps, searching for that needle in a haystack.  It was exhausting I can tell you!  I would spend a few months swiping, chatting and sometimes meeting people for a drink/coffee and then after 3-4 months, 6 months max I would give up and take some time out as I found the whole process soul destroying.

As a woman I know I experienced photos that bore no resemblance to the person I was meeting a lot when I was dating.  They were often of him at least 10 years previously, when his hair was less grey (or he had more of it) or his waistband less tight etc and lots of other women have experienced the same.

But I’ve also spoken to a large number of men who tell me they come up against it all the time too.  People who post old photos in their profile and then when they do meet for a date it’s clear that the photos are 20 years old and whatever connection may have formed has got off on the wrong foot, on a lie.

Why do people do this?

The main reason I’ve heard for this happening is that someone feared that whoever they were talking to, swiping on etc wouldn’t have met them had they posted an up-to-date photo as the attraction wouldn’t have been there. 

So, what do they expect to happen when their date arrives and they find that the person they are meeting is not who they were anticipating?

I’ve heard of people getting very upset when their date says “Sorry, if you are not going to be honest in your photos then I’m not going to stay for the date” – as if it’s ok to dupe people into attending.

In my role as a professional matchmaker in the South East of England, I’m very much pro giving someone a chance based on their personality, values and lifestyle rather than just physical attraction, however if you start off with a mis-truth then what else is that person prepared to lie/bend the truth about?

Filters on profile pics are the same. 

They make people look younger usually, prettier or more handsome, eliminate any blemishes and even character from a face, and we all know that it’s unlikely we’re meeting someone who has actual bunny ears!

Obviously sometimes the filters are more obvious than others, take the bunny ears as an example, but sometimes the photos are so well filtered that we just don’t see it until we meet someone who looks nothing like their photos.

I never actually met anyone for a date who put up a profile of someone completely different – this is mainly because I knew that someone that was THAT good looking/had model looks/pretended to live in the mansion behind him/clearly wasn’t in the UK despite what his profile said, then if he was real he wasn’t actually going to be interested in little old me, a single mum of two, living at the time in a cul-de-sac in a quiet village in East Sussex! Whenever I saw these profiles were interested in me, it was obvious straight away that they were scammers, but that’s a whole different blog!!

However, I have heard from others that people post pictures of their friends, their siblings etc in the hope of securing a date.  Again, why? Just why?  I can never understand this – it’s going to be so obvious when you do meet and with trust being such an important part of dating you’ve scuppered it from the start!

And then there are the profiles that have us believe that every weekend, evening after work, spare hour(!) they are off out climbing mountains, base jumping, paragliding, swimming with sharks and going on solo hiking expeditions through Colombia and the Amazon Rainforest with nothing but a pair of flip flops and their favourite pillow. 

Seriously, it’s well known that 99% of singles want a partner with a bit of get up and go about them, but realistically when I used to read a list like the above (maybe skip the flip flops as I may have exaggerated a bit there, I’ll leave you to decide about the pillow though!) I used to take it with a pinch of salt and assume it meant that they sat on the sofa binge watching the latest Netflix show every night.

My final thoughts

The conclusion I have come to is that people are not primarily complaining about attraction anymore. 

They are complaining about behaviour, authenticity and effort.

I would always much rather someone was honest and say something like I have a gym membership and although I don’t go as often as I should or I would like, I do try and get there twice a week.  Or something like I did once do a charity trek across the Sahara and boy was it tough but character building.   

This is intentional dating.  Authentic dating.  And for those in their 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and beyond this is what they are looking for and a way of building meaningful relationships.

In a time when people are craving genuine human connection more than ever it is so important to be truthful with both your profile and photos. 

Simply being you will draw the right people to you.  If you have to embellish the truth that much then you will probably find that most people don’t hang around that long to get to know the real you.

This is one of the reasons people are now turning away from dating apps and towards more authentic matchmaking services – it feels different.

As a matchmaker working with singles across Sussex, Kent, Surrey and Hampshire I spend time genuinely getting to know my clients properly — their personality, values, lifestyle, relationship goals and the little things that make them who they are.

The profiles I write are created for them, based on real conversations and genuine understanding, not rushed answers typed into a dating app at 10pm whilst half watching the latest episode of First Dates!

And perhaps that’s why matchmaking often feels more authentic… because it starts with honesty, intention and being seen for who you truly are.

Your regular dose of genuine advice, real-world dating tips, and confidence-boosting reminders that love is never out of reach. Whether you’re diving back into dating or just dipping a toe, think of this space as your encouraging nudge, your friendly cheerleader, and your go-to guide for doing love the grown-up way.